Thursday, May 8, 2014

Smile, you're on fake face camera! ☻


"You obviously don't suffer much from your mental illness since you smile in photos all the time."

I didn't know how to respond when that comment was made, so I just apologized. The more I thought about it, the more confused I got. Are people with demons supposed to wear a sign? I mean, I've got them. I thought the scars all over my arms made that pretty clear. I'm not mad at the comment, it just doesn't make sense to me. 

A smile is like a blanket, it covers things that you don't want exposed. Regardless of what it is. In my case, more often than not, my smile covers the fact that I have absolutely no idea what's going on around me. I'll just be honest, there are boxes of dirt smarter then I am. That combined with me being stuck in my own head all time distracts me from everything. I'm happy that I can't see my own face when people are talking to about things. I probably look so damn clueless. That's how my demons work. If their not running around my brain, they're throwing confetti made out of anxiety and self hatred. 

People wear all sorts of masks. Some people frown all the time. Others are just neutral. I chose the smile mask because when my facial expression matches how I feel, it tends to piss people off. I don't like putting people in moods like that, it's mean. 

I guess the main reason why I'm so confused by the comment is the meaning. If you really think that a person doesn't have issues just because they have happiness plastered across their face....please think again. There's a saying for this situation. 

"I laugh to keep from crying."

There you go. It's weird, it seems like people think depression can be switched on and off. Hey, if you have the ability to do that, I am sincerely impressed. Just know, not all of us have that luxury. I'm saying that there aren't real smiles. Some are genuinely there for a positive reason. 

As for the smiling in pictures thing, I don't always do it. Typically, when I choose not to smile, people get negative about it. But I was a photographer, which is a form of art and expression. There's a reason why there is something Emotive Photography. So whether or not a person is smiling in a photo or not, maybe they're just trying to express something. 

I guess you can't please everybody, but right now, I feel like removing my mouth and putting it in my pocket.

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